Most everything I’ve ever read or been told has preached the value in family dinners. That sitting with your children and having meaningful conversation is the key to not messing them up. They need the consistency and structure to feel loved.

But what if that’s not how it really works for some families, especially with young kids? I’m here to tell you today about why we quit family dinners.

I recently realized how much I despise dinnertime. I hate meal planning in advance. I don’t like cooking with small children near me. I hate feeling guilt if I serve hot dogs or chicken nuggets and not something healthy and homemade.

And don’t even get me started on the actual meal. I’m just going to say it: My kids are terrible at dinnertime.

The thing with having three young kids is that there is always at least one who HATES what I’ve made. I try to put something I know each child will for sure eat on their plate — even if it’s bread and butter or apple slices — but there are still arguments. There always is a child refusing to sit down, getting distracted, or trying to find an excuse to get out of eating.

Our current situation:

• 7-year-old: Actually tries things, but cries if it doesn’t look yummy. {insert eyeroll}
• 5-year-old: Legit hates everything that is actually filling.
• 3-year-old: Eats just about everything, but is easily distracted/influenced by his sisters.

Pretty much the only time my 5-year-old will eat an entire meal is at McD’s. #MomFail

My husband recently switched jobs, and while I am happy for him to have the new challenge, his schedule and commute just isn’t conducive to dinner + activities with three little kids. I work-from-home and have the flexibility to do whatever, so meals fall on me. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I just can’t get my kids to adjust to a 6 p.m. dinner. {Families that do late dinners amaze me…My brain can’t compute how ya’ll get by without 1,000 snacks and a super late bedtime?}

The question has become why am I bending over backwards to make the elusive family meal happen? So I can say we have blissful meals as a family? That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

My husband and I went on vacation for four nights together last month, and while we were away, my mom fed my kids RIGHT when they got off the bus. At 4:15 p.m. My head almost spun when she said that.

“Really?” I said. “You mean I don’t have to feed them three snacks just so we can make it to dinner, just to have them refuse to eat because of said snacks? And then rush to clean-up before heading to activities or baths?”

GENIUS. Why didn’t I think of that? Why does my brain think dinner must happen after 5 p.m.?

Fast forward to now. Here we are, eating right away when the kids get off the bus, and I have to say, life has gotten a whole less complicated. Here are my observations:

• The kids actually eat most everything on their plate because they are truly hungry immediately after school.
• Battles still exist, but I am better equipped to deal because I am not sitting down to eat myself {and therefore am not hangry}.
• I can be their literal mealtime maid — getting up for napkins, picking stuff off the floor, refilling milk, etc. I like that it helps keep the mess under control, which lowers my stress.
• I actually get to speak with my husband when he gets home because the kids are fed and happy and not going crazy asking for snacks or complaining about their meal.
• My husband has a few moments to decompress after his commute versus jumping in as the authoritative parent harping on his kids for not eating.
• The kids no longer ask for screen time after school because I don’t need it as my crutch to actually put together a meal.
• Instead of a stressful dinner all together, we are spending fun family time together after dinner — wrestling, having a dance party, or coloring.
• The kids do end up having a small snack before bed {typically fruit}, but overall I feel they are snacking less and eating more of the “good stuff,” like whole grains and veggies.

Sometimes I literally feed my kids just so we can get through the dang meal. #MomLife

The moral of my story? This is just one more reason to do what YOU need to do, parents. Raising kids is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Spending any time with kids is valuable — and it does not need to surround a meal or be at a certain time of day.

Will we go back to our standard family dinners when our kids are older? That’s definitely my goal. There undoubtedly is great value in mealtime when the kids are grown and able to carry on a conversation without getting distracted by a rogue onion.

But for now, we’re sticking to our 4:15 p.m. dinner and post-dinner “happy hour” because it’s what works for us.

Happy wife = happy life, friends.

When it comes to dinnertime, what works best in your home?