The princess craze is something that has taken America by storm. While I’m all for Disney and imagination and fantasy, I also struggle as a mom who wants my daughter to be a realist, too. After having a very hard time trying to find toddler bedding for my little gal that isn’t princess-related (or any character for that matter), I read a great article in our local paper, the Detroit Free Press, which highlighted princess parties and the positives and negatives of the “happily ever after” mentality. This is the message I hope to pass along to my daughter.
Dear Little K,
The term “princess” will never be a pet name I have for you.
Princesses are not real.
You do not see princesses fail, or break bones, or be single mothers.
Princesses are never curvvy, or even chubby for that matter.
Real girls have faults and scars and worries and burdens.
Real girls experience pain and heartbreak.
Love and marriage aren’t simple. It’s not all butterflies and hearts and flowers, like many princesses portray.
Men don’t always come to your rescue. Love is complex and something to work on.
I want your heart to be full of love….for others, but most importantly, for yourself.
Will I let you watch Cinderella, Snow White and Beauty and the Beast? Absolutely, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. But you bet we will have some discussions about them after and what makes these fantasy characters shine: Their ability to be kind and always help others.
Will I allow you to wear a crown if you’d like? Of course, but as long as you know it’s what’s inside of that head that matters — and not what’s visible on the outside.
Beauty and material things will fade.
Friends may come and go.
But, your family — we’re here for you always.
So while you will never hear me call you princess, I will call you a few things: My love, my life and my beautiful and intelligent daughter.
Hope that’s OK with you.
Linking up (for the first time!) with Shell at Things I Can’t Say.
What is your take on little girls and the princess mentality — harmless or harmful?
When are super young I think girls see how pretty princesses are. It’s about the dress and crown and all that. When it get dangerous is when they think being a princess means waiting on that handsome prince , or that everything works out perfectly. There is a happily ever after but in a realistic way. That there is happiness but also fear, worry, hardship and sadness sometimes. If you haven’t heard it, go to YouTube and listen to “the princess who saved herself”. It’s cute and had a wonderful message.
You got it, girl! Checked out that video…so cute. Thanks for sharing!!
Well said, Lauren. While I don’t have children of my own, I can’t agree more. It’s fun to pretend, to believe in the magic, but when it becomes a living reality for some, it seems like an obsession (Toddlers and Tiaras for example). I can only hope when I have children, things like that will go away or not have so much focus like they do now.
I don’t think it’s going away…and that’s OK. It’s just up to us modern ladies to teach our gals what is realistic.
This is great, Lauren! I’ve really never had to deal with the “princess” experience. We really didn’t hear it much when I was little – except to think of them as pretty, etc.
And with a son: it was GI Joes at our house!
I love your “letter” to Little K.
Thanks, Dianna!
You never hear G.I. Joes criticized, but I guess there could be some ideals behind that as well…all boys don’t have to be fighters, right? 😉
Well said, Lauren. I’ll never have to contend with the Princess issue, but it’s bugged me for a while. For people to refer to their daughters, and other people’s girls as princesses? It just doesn’t sound right. I know that most people probably don’t mean it in the ways that imply them being spoiled and entitled, but just slapping a label on girls, just bothers me.
I think Little K is on the right track!
Exactly. I think most people mean it in a harmless way, but I’m still just sensitive to it. I love make-believe, but I just want K to know there’s a reality side to things as well.
Interesting. I don’t have a problem with the princess thing. I know some moms at my daughter’s school do. My husband calls them princess sometimes.
I’m okay with them dressing up and dancing around. I’m okay with them watching the movies. I’m okay with them learning to fight for themselves (thanks Tangled and Princess and the Frog). I want them to know it’s okay to dream, but those are dreams.
We have a mother at preschool who is very anti-princess and is offended by princesses and doesn’t let her daughter partake in anything princess. However, she had a Barbie-themed birthday. TELL ME HOW THIS IS OKAY??!?!
Barbie is as fictitious as a princess, maybe even moreso. I have a huge problem with her judging me over my daughters love of having her hair pulled up like Cinderella and attending a princess tea-party when she is giving my kid a “beach” Barbie as a party favor.
PLEASE!
But I respect what you are doing, completely. I just love seeing my little girl pretend to be a princess and feeling special. I know one day, all of that will fade and the reality of a full-time job, two kids and feeling anything but a princess will kick in. For now, I’m letting her do what she wants!
I love your thoughts here, Rebecca…and I agree – there’s nothing wrong with pretending! Plus, I think knowing you helps me with this — I know you’re raising them to be strong women, too. As long as there’s a balance, I think the princess thing is just fine.
And yup, Barbie is the same darn thing 😉
If I have a daughter I will definitely teach her that princesses are not reality. I’m fine with letting her watch them, as you said, but I want her to love herself for who she is.
I am so excited to see if you have a little gal…And if you do, your boys just might keep her away from loving princesses anyways 😉
My girls were all into princesses and all that goes along with them and I indulged them. They’re little girls and that’s what they loved at the time. Now as they get older I can see that it didn’t hurt them at all. They don’t have a distorted picture of what life, love, and family is about at all.
Sounds like you have a good handle on the message you want to send her!
Well written! I hope to convey the same messages to my daughter. Those princesses drive me crazy!