It has been almost one year exactly since I quit my full-time job at a PR firm to stay home with the little one.
While on maternity leave, staying home didn’t even cross my mind once. I looked forward to the return to work and to what I thought would be normalcy.
Just a few weeks into our return, the hubby and I discovered both of us working demanding jobs was going to take its toll on our relationship and quality-of-life quickly. Coupled with the fact that our daycare options were very limited with our long commute and lack of family nearby, we had to figure something out. And quick.
We pondered it for a weekend and made the leap on the following Monday. I’d stay home and if something part-time came up, I’d consider it. {I would never suggest you make this leap so quickly. It should be thought out and planned for financially.} We felt we didn’t have time to use our brains. We were using our hearts. And we knew it was right for us.
People were shocked when I told them I quit my job. I didn’t really know what to say either. I had no idea of what to expect. But, they say a mother’s instincts are always on target, and this was an instance where I really lucked out.
This year I have learned more about myself than ever before. I’ve learned how to balance multiple jobs from home with freelance writing and social media, and bill clients and balance time (well, that one is a work-in-progress), all the while taking care of a wee one and trying to make sure she gets the social interaction she deserves. Sometimes this requires me to get up early or stay up late to get all of it done {plus write this blog}, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’ll admit it: Before I started staying home myself, I passed judgement on SAHMs. While I never thought they were lazy by any means, I did think that maybe they just weren’t career-oriented. Or, they just wanted their men to take care of them. Boy, was I wrong.
Most of the SAHMs I know are extremely intelligent women. They, too, have left great jobs, have to work hard to budget, and try to keep their sanity throughout the day as their children beg for attention.
In fact, I don’t know of a single mom who just “stays home.” Every gal I know who doesn’t have a formal job does something to bring success to her family — whether it’s being crafty and running an Etsy shop, being an at-home party consultant, freelancing, taking couponing to the extreme, or even just taking surveys from home for extra cash…all the while taking care of children. Not a single one I know of is lazy by any means.
I see a lot of hatred spewed on community forums and news articles discussing working versus staying home with children, and it sickens me. As women, we need to support each other in whatever decision is made. What works for one family may not work for another — financially or just mentally. Neither way is wrong and nobody should pass judgement unless they are in your same exact shoes.
My hats are off to ALL my fellow moms – working multiple jobs, full-time, from home, or doing whatever they can to make the best possible situation for their families. You all keep me inspired everyday!
Amanda Austin says
Unfortunately, we do not have a choice. At all. I’m the primary breadwinner and my husband has a job that pays terribly (but that he loves). I honestly am not sure I could do the SAHM thing. It’s hard! Having that little person needing your attention all the time can be so draining. My hats are off to all you!!
Mrs. Weber says
Aww, I have plenty of friends who are the breadwinners, too! Can I just say you go girl? Be proud for all that YOU do. You’re an amazing mom and the little smiles from BB prove it 😉
Janelle says
Glad you have found peace about your decision and have seen personal growth as well.
Visiting from Mama Kats!
Mrs. Weber says
Thanks for visiting, Janelle! And yes, you are right — I’ve been very lucky to get both peace and growth 🙂
Alison@Mama Wants This says
So glad your decision was the right one for you and your family.
I quit my job when we decided to try for a baby, and obviously, staying home with my child was a no-brainer too. The travel required for my job, the stress, the long hours – we didn’t feel it was worthwhile to carry on, even while pregnant. A month after my last day at work, I found out I was pregnant. Serendipity?
I have never regretted staying home with my son. I can’t imagine missing a single moment.
Mrs. Weber says
That’s amazing you got pregnant after you quit. Life has a funny (and wonderful) way of working out sometimes. It’s lovely!
Raine says
I dont judge SAHMs – Im just terribly jealous! I’m glad it works for you and your family 🙂
Mrs. Weber says
Well, it’s not a job for everyone that’s for sure…I know of a few moms who quit and then end up going back to work because their kids drive them crazy! You’re right – it’s all about finding out what works best (and is realistic) for your family.
Arnebya says
I’m w/Amanda. We have no choice. I wish I could find a way to give us a choice, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I’m glad your decision works for your family. (And anyway, who wouldn’t want to look at that cute face all day?)
Mrs. Weber says
Ugh, I know…no choice is aggravating. I felt like I didn’t have much choice in the matter either, and it was a huge financial risk for us, but it has worked out. I’m just one of the lucky ones I suppose. Thanks for stopping by, Arnebya!
Dana K says
I totally fell into being a SAHM and it’s hard. Working outside the home is hard. I think every mom, every parent, struggles to find balance in different ways. Great post…I didn’t understand SAHMs until I became one, either.
Mrs. Weber says
Glad I’m not alone 😉 I really enjoyed your post as well – you always find ways to make me think in ways I haven’t thought before. So thankful for all these great bloggers opening my eyes!
JDaniel4s Mom says
It was the right decision for me too. I just could not have balanced teaching full time and being a mom. Something would have fallen by the way side.
Mrs. Weber says
Some women can do it, and I think that’s amazing, but it’s all about what’s finding right for you. And look at you! You have an amazingly successful blog as an outlet in return for “quitting” your day job. It all works out in the end!
Amber Louchart says
I too thought I would be a working mommy. I was working in NYC schools as a teacher in Brooklyn and felt trapped by a mortgage hanging over my head. My MIL was taking care of our DD full time, but was unable to continue. We bit the bullet and dropped everything to move to back to Michigan so I could stay home with our daughter. I can’t imagine it any other way. We are all so much happier. And yes, I am not JUST a SAHM. I run three websites, I host karaoke one night a week and I admin 5 FB pages for various businesses.
Thanks for the post!!!
Mrs. Weber says
All I have to say is YOU GO GIRL! Way to rock and do amazing things. I think I need to learn a thing or two from you about multitasking 😉
Elena says
I think what you said at the end is so very true – we need to stop criticizing each other – SAHM or WOHM. It’s important just to stay one community and support each other whatever path we have chosen. I always feel like I did get really lucky in my career path because I still get 2 months off with my kids in the summer – which is awesome.
Mrs. Weber says
I know you work so hard, but you’re still a great (and fun!) mom and an amazing blogger. I aspire to be like that one day too 😉
Sarah C says
I just want to throw it out there that even SAHP (stay at home parents) that don’t contribute to the family financially are still contributing in other ways and work extremely hard.
I know a lot of SAHMs that don’t work from home or coupon, but they sure aren’t lazy. Raising a child is the most important full time job anyone will ever have. It’s FT +OT and no vacation days, ever 🙂
Mrs. Weber says
Damn straight, girl! Staying home isn’t easy…I think the hardest adjustment is not getting praise either, and of course, missing out on adult social interaction.
There’s not always a need to contribute financially, but I just am amazed by all the moms I see (like you with your Etsy stuff) that do something productive with the little time they may have sans child during the day. I have to think, if men stayed home, do you think they’d do those kinds of things? 😉
Nikki Little says
Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost a year already! I’m so proud of you for making such a difficult decision. You are still one of the hardest working people I know! I hope I can balance everything in my life the way you are once I take the kiddie plunge.
Mrs. Weber says
Girlll, you will have me beat in no time! I’m telling you – it’s not as hard as you think, especially since you have been balancing all kinds of things your entire life! Kids will be a cake walk 😉 OK, maybe not, but no need to worry too much…You, of all people, will be able to figure it down to a science!
SUPAHMAMA says
Fantastic post! I had the chance to go back to flying after my first child was born and when decision making time came around, I handed my badge and wings over to my supervisor. There was no way I was leaving my kid for 3 weeks at a time. Thanks, but no thanks. I was lucky in that my Husband had a respectable job and made enough to allow us to live comfortably enough at the time to add another child to our roster. The economy is hard, and while there are times I wish I could go back to being the breadwinner just to put my mind and financial worries to rest, I still wouldn’t WANT to change my original choice ever.
Mrs. Weber says
Good for you for figuring out what would be best for you in the long-run. I’d guess that’s something you can go back to down the road? Hope so…and I don’t blame you — it would break my heart to leave for 3 weeks!
Kate @ zMOMbie says
I couldn’t agree more. We moms need to stick together and not judge for what works for any individual. Everyone’s circumstances are different. I’m very fortunate to be able to stay home. It’s tougher than any job I’ve ever had, but I love it.
Mrs. Weber says
Amen, sister! The way I look at it, nobody has ever said “work” would be easy. This is just a different kind of job where our “bosses” might have a bad day and have a meltdown 😉 And of course, it’s a thankless job, but somebody’s got to do it!
Kate @ zMOMbie says
Love your blog. Just tagged you in the latest post.
Jess says
We all do what we have to for our families and our sanity. I don’t think there should be any hatred or negativity for our choices. Just respect because at the end of the day we are all moms.