Mourning My Lack of Girly Girls

“Hi girls! Do you see the princess castle we have? We have lots of princess costumes over there,” says the salesperson at our local Halloween store.

My 4-year-old daughter’s face falls to disappointment as her eyes search. She’s unsure of what to say. She knows none are her style, but she hasn’t quite learned how to tell an adult she isn’t interested.

“It’s OK if you don’t like these. We’ll keep walking,” I assure her, winking at the salesperson.

Seconds later, she spots the area she was searching for. Rows and rows of super heroes, complete with muscles and dark masks. Eyes light up like we’ve hit the jackpot, not noticing that none of the images on the packaging are of little girls.

“Look! There’s Batman and IronMan and Captain America! Which one should I pick?”

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Days earlier, my 3-year-old daughter had a fit when we were shopping in the girls section of a local store.

“Mom! I don’t like these clothes! I want BOY clothes! I want Ninja Turtles!” she exclaims,  stomping her feet and crossing her arms, showing her distaste for the slightly frilly outfit I picked out.

Knowing full-well I don’t want to battle clothing on our preschool mornings, I cave and let her pick out things she actually likes from the boy section.

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As a mom of two young girls, these are just two of the daily scenarios I battle: My girls versus public perception of what little girls are supposed to like.

I’ve always allowed my kids to do their thing. But, I have to say, being this type of mom has challenges. Society thinks my girls will identify with princesses {they don’t}. Society thinks they should love pink and purple {they don’t}. Society thinks they need their own line of LEGO and super hero items {they don’t}. When it’s birthdays and Christmas time, gifts made for girly girls come pouring in, and left in the dust while the trucks and tractors my son receive get constant play.

There is something just tough to watch about having the only girls who get uncomfortable with the idea of playing princess. Even as a self-proclaimed feminist, I struggle with it, and especially in the school environment when fitting in is everything, even in preschool.

At times, I mourn the fact that I will never have little girls who like ribbons in their hair, frilly dresses and princess costumes. I always envisioned my girls taking dance lessons like I did, allowing me to braid their hair and paint their nails. That couldn’t be farther from who both of my girls are right now. They want to play soccer, dig for worms, and wear clothes with rowdy characters in bright blues and greens.

I feel awful for saying it, but some days I do wish they’d just blend in. I look at myself and wonder if I created them this way…To reject the girly girl culture based on my own personal disdain for it {though I was very girly as a kid}. Then again…no. We watch princess movies, we do plenty of ‘girly’ things and go to ‘girl’ shows…It’s just not who they are — period — and I have had zero to do with it.

I struggle with wanting my girls to be strong and confident, but wanting them to fit in. I don’t want them to be judged or defined by the way they look, but I do want them to look like they come from a family that attempts to make them look put together.