There is a huge buzz in the parenting community about all things sensory. At first, I had no clue what that even meant. When heavy work was recommended for my now 3-year-old Karina when she was struggling with speech as a toddler, I started researching up the wazoo. It’s just in my nature to learn everything I can about things that are new to me. Turns out heavy work was a big help to her little body, and I was trying to figure out why.
She has always been on the sensitive and emotional side. Temper tantrums are not just quick little fits here. They can last hours, and there is little I can do to soothe her. My traditional forms of discipline that worked with my older daughter didn’t work with her. I’ve just come to accept the fact that there is no pushing her — period.
But what started as typical toddler behavior in my mind has evolved into something that has eaten away at me. When we started having more bad days than good, I chastised myself. I’m not giving her enough attention. Maybe she’s eating too much processed foods. Maybe we need to nix TV. Maybe we aren’t disciplining her hard enough. On and on. The guilt ate me alive. And without answers as to why I felt she was misbehaving, I took the blame.
She has always fit every characteristic of a spirited child, including the 4 ‘bonus’ features. Despite being smart, she’s not an easy child to parent, but thankfully it’s hard not to love her with the amount of affection she gives me.
I started seeing a pattern with her meltdowns, which were often followed by needing strong hugs/major cuddling and her saying she’s cold.
A few examples of issues we have:
- Clothing…It has to fit just right, no tags or seams she can feel, so we stick to just a few outfits
- Hair brushing and nail clipping is near impossible because “it hurts”
- She is a risk taker — running in the parking lot, jumping off the couch, crashing into things, often falling over and has a clumsy nature
- She needs tasks constantly and even needs to run a few laps before settling into “quiet work” or sitting at the dinner table. {She sits still when needed though}
- She is slow to warm-up to anyone and doesn’t transition to new things easily if at all
- We haven’t had a single scream-free preschool drop-off though she is fine a few minutes after she is there
- She often has a hard time connecting with children her own age
- Bright lights, strong smells, and toilets flushing are a source of anxiety for her
What do these things have in common? Most are driven by our senses.
I started researching. Dr. Google isn’t a trusted source, but my gut felt it: She has many of the symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder. After a few Occupational Therapist friends confirmed what I was thinking was legit, I knew it was time to seek help. Not just for her, but for me. We all just want to see our children happy, and when I could see what most outsiders would consider “quirks,” affecting our daily life, I knew it was time.
I emailed my pediatrician and told her how preschool transitions were still rough and I was struggling with her at home, and asked for a prescription for an evaluation. Thankfully, she graciously listened and provided me with resources to help. After filling out tons of paperwork including a sensory profile, I felt vindicated as we were approved to work with an Occupational Therapist, and by some miracle, our insurance would cover 60 visits each year.
Happiness to Karina…Comfy jammies, her soft blankie and inside a small space, or in this case, a bag!
So here we are, scheduled to go to OT two days each week and brushing her every 2-3 hours to help with her sensitivities. Our goal is to get her better about transitions {and being without me}, learn more about her needs as a sensory seeker, and hopefully in turn, help with some of the minor speech and fine motor skill issues we are also facing. It’s my hope that all of this together will help set her up for success in school.
Is this something she could outgrow? Perhaps. But it’s more likely we’ll just have to learn how to ensure she gets her sensory needs met appropriately and learns to cope with her emotional nature. I’ve decided to not look into the future with fear, but with a gracious heart for getting the help we need now to adapt as a family.
We all have our parenting challenges, and this is my current one. So if I need to cancel a playdate on an off day, or you see me in a corner squeezing her like a lemon and speaking calmly instead of using traditional discipline, cut me some slack. We’re learning together. She may be hard to raise, but she sure is easy to love, and for that, I am grateful.
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This recent U.S. News article provides great insight into life with sensory processing disorder. This is a helpful SPD red flags checklist if you are curious, too.
Local readers: I highly recommend contacting Early On Michigan and/or the Bib to Backpack program if you have development questions about your child. Mama’s instincts are usually spot-on, and there is no harm in asking questions.
Have you experienced sensory issues in your home? What helped you {and your child}?
Once again I want you to know how much I appreciate your thoughtful and honest comments….lots of kids struggle with this…and you are on the right track! Good luck!
Thanks so much for the kind words. I feel like I’m treading in unfamiliar waters, so it’s so great to know when I’m not alone 🙂
We have similar challenges with my son. We go to therapy twice a week and we have went to something called Brain Balance. Talked to counselors, went to U of M for diagnosis. He has ADHD (they also had thought he had autism, U of M ruled it out). Definitely has sensory issues and they have gotten better over time. No tshirts wtih large stickers on the front, soft socks (watch the kind with seams).
We use essential oils to help with symptoms to help calm him on his day.
We started this journey when he was 6, he is now 8 and I see so many changes, but it was a hard journey to figure things out.
Aww, thanks for sharing your story, Regina! It’s so frustrating when you know something is *off* but don’t have an official diagnoses. Good for you for recognizing his needs and getting him help where he needs it! We definitely need to start diffusing some oils here if that will help! My gal is super sensitive to smells, so it would have to be something she likes.