There I am, standing in front of the mirror at Target looking at my figure, when I realize someone is watching my every move. It’s just me and my 3-year-old, and she just stares. And stares. And stares.
In my head, I feel like she’s analyzing my bumps, my moles, my insecurities.
I try on bra after bra, bathing suit after bathing suit, cursing myself silently along the way.
I’ve indulged too much lately and gained weight. I need to lose it stat before bathing suit season.
I have to concentrate SO hard to not let the words spill out of my mouth and into the brain of a highly sensitive preschooler.
“I don’t like that one,” she points out as I try on a bathing suit that’s too small. If only I was a size smaller, I think to myself.
Then I try on a bright blue one, and her eyes light up. “That one is pretty, mama!”
I look at myself in disgust. The thighs are cut way too high, exposing much more booty than I am comfortable with showing to the world. As I undress, I see her look of curiosity.
“Mama, why is your belly big?” followed by “Why are their lines on it?”
At this point, she’s right in my bubble, almost touching my stomach — the part I’ve always felt the most insecure about. I have to fight the urge not to let tears come to my eyes. Gotta love when kids call it how they see it, and it hits you where it hurts.
I pause for a moment to think of how to explain how a woman’s body changes over time.
Then I have a flash back to 1989. I’m watching my own mother get naked in the dressing room. She knows I am watching her, and no matter her insecurities, she doesn’t let a single.one.show. To this day, I don’t know how she never showed a sign of weakness. I never recall her putting herself down in any manner. But I am not my mom, and when I talk, I usually say too much, and am overly sensitive.
Finally, I answer.
“I’ve carried 3 big babies in this tummy. My body has been all sorts of shapes, and so it may not look perfect to everyone, but I am happy, and that’s what matters most.”
The explanation seems to suffice, and she moves on. But I can’t help but wonder if I said the right thing. Will she remember this moment in the future? Who knows. I sometimes wish I had a consistent script to follow when my kids throw me for a loop like that.
I want to raise strong girls. I want them to embrace their imperfections and love their curves. I want them to appreciate a smile wrinkle when it happens, knowing it means happy experiences and wisdom gained.
I want them to stand proud in the dressing room one day, easily able to undress in front of their own children, showing them it’s OK to be vulnerable and naked in front of those you trust and love.
I think all these things in the span of two minutes as I hang the bras and bathing suits back on hangers.
Which, as it happens, is just enough time for a 3-year-old to plot an escape while my back is turned.
I guess we’ll save the deeper body image discussion for another day.
How do you explain your body imperfections to your children? Advice welcome! 🙂
Suburbia Mom says
My babies are too young to say much but I agree that it is very important to demonstrate positive body image. It starts when they are babies. I want my little girl to love herself regardless of size. This is why it bothers me when complete strangers comment on her size. Why do people feel it’s ok to stop a stranger and comment on their baby’s size? We would never stop an adult and say “wow she never misses a meal” or “that’s one big girl”. It starts with every word we say, even as little as a baby.
Mrs. Weber says
I SO agree! All my babies were 9+ pounds when they were born, so I got comments like that often. We need to choose our words wisely for sure.
Erin Klema | The Epicurean Traveler says
I love your answer. For being put on the spot, that was a pretty good response.
Mrs. Weber says
Thanks! I always have a fear of messing my kids up 😉 I probably just need to relax just a tad – ha!
Detroit Duchess says
First of all you are beautiful! Your smile always lights up a room and every time I see you I think, d*** she looks good! That was a great way to explain it to Karina. I think teaching your girls to be confident in themselves is a great way to combat negative body image.
Mrs. Weber says
Aww, thank you girl! Always a work-in-progress 🙂 With the rise of social media, raising girls with positive body image is so important to me.
Bree says
I remember my mom always dieting when I was younger. Always wanting to lose weight. Now, as a mom I try hard to not use the words “diet” and “lose weight.” Instead I tell the kid I’m working on eating healthy and being active.
Mrs. Weber says
Perfect!
Emily lover says
You and your daughter are both beautiful! Instead of focusing on the parts of your body you don’t like, you should help her to understand the wonderful things about your body after having 3 children. Start by getting both of you undressed, so she can compare her body to yours. Then let her examine your body, touching your belly and thighs to feel the marks and how smooth and tight her body is. When you get comfortable, lay on your back with your legs spread and let her see how your vagina is different from hers. Let her touch your long thin lips while she feels her firm plump vagina. Spread your vagina open so she can explore the amazing hole that birthed 3 children. Encourage her to slip her little hand inside you, then guide her to your cervix and have her push a couple of fingers into it. Let her understand that her vagina isn’t ready for that kind of penetration, but some day when she’s a mommy, she’ll be able to put her hands inside of herself too 🙂