I wanted to write about something I’ve pondered a lot during the past year, and perhaps it will resonate with you as well. Today I’m highlighting the power of TOUCH, and how changing my mindset has brought about positive changes in my household.
Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language, and the last, and it always tells the truth.
– Margaret Atwood
Growing up, I craved physical touch. I have vivid memories of curling up on my mom while she napped because I needed to be close. Touch wasn’t her primary love language, but that didn’t stop me from asking for affection any chance I got, especially when my dad was working nights. I found a way to meet my need, but it wasn’t always with open arms.
Once I was dating, I got a lot of self-worth from touching and PDA. In fact, my hubby and I scored a 100% for physical touch during our marriage class, which we still laugh about.
{If you aren’t familiar with the book the Five Love Languages, check it out or just take the quiz!}
But somewhere during my parenting life, my love language shifted and I stopped needing and giving touch as much.
As parents, we have very few opportunities to *not* be needed, right? My guess is that constantly ‘tapped into’ feeling had taken its toll and altered my love language. I finally understood why my own mother, who often parented solo, wasn’t always up for cuddling.
Yet, science shows children with more affectionate mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults. This notion lit a fire within me, and I set out to re-frame my thinking and do better for the sake of my family.
After listening to the audio book the 5 Love Languages of Children, I reflected on my children’s behavior and the issues we face daily.
Having two out of three children who are sensory seekers that crave movement, something clicked: They NEED my physical attention more than a few times a day. Just like I did as a kid.
So I began my “touch project.”
How I Incorporated The Power of Touch
For the past several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to touch my favorite people more — beyond just a hug and kiss in the morning and at night.
With my kids, I try to sneak in more cuddles, touch their arms while reading, give them a long hug once home from school, play a game we call “hug monster” and wrestle more {though that is more my husband’s speciality}.
My 5 and 7-year-olds eat it up…They both crave it. My 9-year-old is more reserved, but I know she also needs it {and will even when she’s a teen}.
I make the effort even on the days they act like they don’t care because I remember being that little girl craving touch so badly, and I know the importance of it as they develop relationships with others. I want them to be comfortable giving and receiving affection, which already doesn’t come easy to them.
For my husband, I try to make sure we get in some quality hugs and kisses during the chaos of our limited time together Monday-Friday, and we do our best to have a night together without interruptions {or phones} on the weekend. When we watch a show, I sit next to him, and not on an opposite couch.
When I volunteer at my kids’ school, I’m happy to give hugs to whichever child asks for them. I’m always surprised at how many children I don’t even know ask for them too. Maybe it’s because I’m a familiar face and have a friendly vibe…but I suspect it’s really just because all children need love. {Bless our teachers who are hugged OFTEN. I can’t imagine the ‘tapped out’ feeling they must feel some days!}
For the students I know are more reserved, I offer high-fives or a pat on the back. Kids need to feel that love and support not only from parents, but other adults, too!
Conclusion
This experiment has taught me hugs and affection are SO important in our relationships. I have seen such a positive difference in our home and my personal life just by incorporating more emphasis on touch.
It’s so easy to get bogged down with life’s tasks that we simply forget how powerful these simple gestures are.
I encourage you to take the time to give someone you love a few daily squeezes and sit back and watch the difference unfold.
Check out these articles highlighting the science behind the power of touch:
- The Power of Touch {in infants}
- Loving Touch is Key to Health Brain Development
- Have You Hugged Your Teen Today? Importance of Parental Affection
Keep me posted if you conduct your own ‘touch experiment‘ in your home — I’d love to hear if it makes a difference!
