“Come here. Give me a kiss,” I say.
“NO! I don’t want to kiss you,” you tell me in your sassy voice.
~~~~~~~~~
“Kinley, would you like to take dance classes next year?” I ask as we drive by the local dance studio.
“NO!” you scream.
“But I danced at your age. You will like it,” I offer.
“NO! I don’t want to dance! I want to play titar!” {guitar in toddler language.}
~~~~~~~~~
“Kinley, wouldn’t it be fun to go to preschool this year?” I mention casually while coloring.
“NO! I want to stay here with you and Karina,” you insist.
~~~~~~~~~
Lately, I feel a tad saddened by the word “no” coming out of my nearly 3-year old daughter. I know that her sassiness has absolutely nothing to do with me, but sometimes I can’t help but take it personally. But when I step back and really think about it, I realize I am putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself and on her for no reason.
I want her to be 100% potty trained {we’re getting there}. I want her to find her passion/talent at a young age. I want her to love school. I want her to make friends. I want her to smile at strangers at the grocery store. I want her to kiss me and say “I love you” unsolicited. I want her to know all of her colors. I want her to wake-up happy in the morning. I want her to be brave and do things on her own.
Notice something? That paragraph has a whole lotta “I wants.”
Too bad the things I want for her mean nothing if she doesn’t want the same thing. Of course there are times I will have to be a parent and make an executive decision for her, but right now? Why in the world am I trying to put pressure on her to do things she clearly does not want to do?
As any parent, I want the world for her. I don’t want to spoil my children, but I want to offer them every opportunity possible to thrive and be well-rounded. I had signed her up for preschool in the spring, thinking she would be ready this fall. Fact is, while she’s finally getting decent at this potty stuff, she’s just not ready according to my gut instincts. And that’s OK. She has plenty of years of schooling ahead.
I have officially decided to stop asking her about dance, too. She tells me every single day she doesn’t want to do it. I know time may absolutely change her feelings, but I want her to realize it on her own terms.
Children are a product of their environment, so I am slowly starting to realize maybe those stern sounding “no’s” could be influenced by me — the person who is around her the most.
She’s fiercely independent. She has been since day one. She’s never needed much when it comes to attention or cuddles. Even at her young age, she displays this cool confidence in who she is. As much as it makes us butt heads at times, I pray every day it sticks.
However, I do think it’s time I get down to her level to try to see things the way she does. To do that, I think I need to start saying yes more often…
YES!
…to taking an extra five minutes after getting out of the car to look for spiders, leaves, pinecones and ant hills.
…to wearing an outfit that doesn’t match. With accessories and shoes that don’t match.
…to listening to “Poor Unfortunate Souls” and “Hakuna Matata” for the 100th time.
…to dressing baby bear or baby Emily for the 100th time.
…to playing pretend with every inanimate object we can find.
…to letting you stay up and read books to yourself…and tucking your teddy bears and dolls in bed with you {just stay in your bedroom please!}.
…to more ranch and ketchup {whatever makes you eat more veggies}.
…to a Spider-Man face instead of the rainbow I liked best {thank you for compromising with pink}.
…to putting down my phone and computer and just living and breathing in the excitement you get when we are goofy together.
Because YES my dear, you are beautiful. You are your own person. You’re not me or anyone else. You’re just Kinley. And I love you for it. Keep on being you, sweetheart.
“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” – John Mason
Jackie says
Andrew does the sassy no thing too… it bugs me to no end. It’s the no part that gets me…. it’s the sassy tone that I don’t like. My guess is that he picked it up from one of the kids at daycare.
But saying yes more often is definitely something we should all do as parents.
Mrs. Weber says
I get why they say three = the “threenager” phase that’s for sure 😉
Jenifer @ Not Quite Mom of the Year says
Great article Lauren. I really needed the reminder to say “Yes” more often. With summer winding down and school about to start, I am reminded again how quickly time flies by! I don’t want to look back someday and wish I had played more Barbies! And as far as the mismatched clothes…let her pick them out herself! What is it going to hurt? I gave up this battle a long time ago and have found that they really get better at matching clothes at a younger age when allowed to experiment. Plus, people love to fawn over little ones that have obviously picked out their own clothes…and this is a huge boost to my little girls’ self-esteems!
Mrs. Weber says
You are right…We all need to learn to cherish every moment. I’m already not looking forward to school — I know I will miss her so much! And I know, letting her put her outfits together is pretty darn cute. Just can be frustrating on family photo days or holidays when I have a specific look in my head. Definitely letting her pick out her clothes makes her happy. Love the self-esteem it builds for your daughter — that’s awesome 🙂