Most everything I’ve ever read or been told has preached the value in family dinners. That sitting with your children and having meaningful conversation is the key to not messing them up. They need the consistency and structure to feel loved.
But what if that’s not how it really works for some families, especially with young kids? I’m here to tell you today about why we quit family dinners.
I recently realized how much I despise dinnertime. I hate meal planning in advance. I don’t like cooking with small children near me. I hate feeling guilt if I serve hot dogs or chicken nuggets and not something healthy and homemade.
And don’t even get me started on the actual meal. I’m just going to say it: My kids are terrible at dinnertime.
The thing with having three young kids is that there is always at least one who HATES what I’ve made. I try to put something I know each child will for sure eat on their plate — even if it’s bread and butter or apple slices — but there are still arguments. There always is a child refusing to sit down, getting distracted, or trying to find an excuse to get out of eating.
Our current situation:
- 7-year-old: Actually tries things, but cries if it doesn’t look yummy. {insert eyeroll}
- 5-year-old: Legit hates everything that is actually filling.
- 3-year-old: Eats just about everything, but is easily distracted/influenced by his sisters.
Pretty much the only time my 5-year-old will eat an entire meal is at McD’s. #MomFail
My husband recently switched jobs, and while I am happy for him to have the new challenge, his schedule and commute just isn’t conducive to dinner + activities with three little kids. I work-from-home and have the flexibility to do whatever, so meals fall on me. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I just can’t get my kids to adjust to a 6 p.m. dinner. {Families that do late dinners amaze me…My brain can’t compute how ya’ll get by without 1,000 snacks and a super late bedtime?}
The question has become why am I bending over backwards to make the elusive family meal happen? So I can say we have blissful meals as a family? That couldn’t be farther from the truth.
My husband and I went on vacation for four nights together last month, and while we were away, my mom fed my kids RIGHT when they got off the bus. At 4:15 p.m. My head almost spun when she said that.
“Really?” I said. “You mean I don’t have to feed them three snacks just so we can make it to dinner, just to have them refuse to eat because of said snacks? And then rush to clean-up before heading to activities or baths?”
GENIUS. Why didn’t I think of that? Why does my brain think dinner must happen after 5 p.m.?
Fast forward to now. Here we are, eating right away when the kids get off the bus, and I have to say, life has gotten a whole less complicated. Here are my observations:
- The kids actually eat most everything on their plate because they are truly hungry immediately after school.
- Battles still exist, but I am better equipped to deal because I am not sitting down to eat myself {and therefore am not hangry}.
- I can be their literal mealtime maid — getting up for napkins, picking stuff off the floor, refilling milk, etc. I like that it helps keep the mess under control, which lowers my stress.
- I actually get to speak with my husband when he gets home because the kids are fed and happy and not going crazy asking for snacks or complaining about their meal.
- My husband has a few moments to decompress after his commute versus jumping in as the authoritative parent harping on his kids for not eating.
- The kids no longer ask for screen time after school because I don’t need it as my crutch to actually put together a meal.
- Instead of a stressful dinner all together, we are spending fun family time together after dinner — wrestling, having a dance party, or coloring.
- The kids do end up having a small snack before bed {typically fruit}, but overall I feel they are snacking less and eating more of the “good stuff,” like whole grains and veggies.
Sometimes I literally feed my kids just so we can get through the dang meal. #MomLife
The moral of my story? This is just one more reason to do what YOU need to do, parents. Raising kids is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Spending any time with kids is valuable — and it does not need to surround a meal or be at a certain time of day.
Will we go back to our standard family dinners when our kids are older? That’s definitely my goal. There undoubtedly is great value in mealtime when the kids are grown and able to carry on a conversation without getting distracted by a rogue onion.
But for now, we’re sticking to our 4:15 p.m. dinner and post-dinner “happy hour” because it’s what works for us.
Happy wife = happy life, friends.
When it comes to dinnertime, what works best in your home?
Interesting. I don’t have kids, so I’ve never really thought about this … but just for myself, sometimes I eat dinner at 5pm after work (because I’m hungry!) or sometimes it’s like 8pm, after zumba (I don’t like eating a big meal before working out). Just depends. We did have family meal times when I was older, though (like high school age) so I think that’s a good plan. 🙂
I truly miss having the flexibility to eat whenever…I would totally be like you and just eat when hunger strikes! The pro of eating early is less busy restaurant times though – LOL! I agree that the teen years is really when family meals will matter.
Interesting solution! Glad you found something that works!
You know the saying…A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do 😉
Omg, this is genius. My son got out of school early today and I barely got a “hello”. Instead, the question the minute he walks in the door is about dinner. Always. Lol. Interestingly enough, my husband’s schedule will allow for earlier dinner the next couple weeks so I think this will be a good test run to see if it works for my family! And I’m with you, I’ve always felt like we had to eat at a certain “dinner” time.
That is my kids too! They are super grumpy until they eat and it’s just a battle. Great idea to test the early dinner and see if it will work for your fam 🙂
we eat around 4:15 because that is what my hubby’s schedule is. I never thought about it, but it kind of fits our family schedule otherwise too. But on the other end, my kids don’t go to bed until quite late (yay homeschooling win) so there is the need for a later snack, but it is easier to be flexible there as I don’t really care if they all have the same snack, huh. Glad your next schedule works. Guess I better get back to making dinner 😉
Ha, love it! I wish my hubby was home earlier to enjoy a meal with us, but it just isn’t working for this phase. Glad the early dinner thang works for you all. Homeschooling does sound appealing for not needing such a strict routine 😉
When I was younger my mom made a dinner calendar. We could add our suggestions and she’s wondering why I’m not doing that now with my 4.5 year old. As a divorced, working single mom I find sometimes it’s just all about timing and the day. I’ve been doing a “no microwave thang” for over a year, so that adds another layer to the timing of my meals. My daughter loves to “help” but we all know that can take more time too. I’m with you…do what works for you and your family. Everything and tastebud is temporary!
YES – everything IS temporary. Sometimes us moms just have to do what works best for the moment, and it can change at some point. Love the dinner calendar idea, but I could see that being SO tough at that age. Maybe in a few years it will work well for you. Keep on doing you, mama!
I don’t have kids, but I babysit a lot. And I’ve found that a lot of families do not eat dinner between 5-6pm – the families that eat around 7:30-8pm often have a protein and carb snack right after school and some kind of extra-curricular activity at least 2 nights a week (like karate or dance) and the kids tend to go to bed between 9-9:30pm – or those families eat dinner right after school. I wholly endorse the you do you dinner plan!
Amen! Whatever works. Mine still need to go to bed at 7:30, so it’s so hard squeezing everything in. Thanks for chiming in 🙂
Aw, I love this post! Like you, our family has a crazy busy schedule, and it seemed like I was serving 2 dinners — 1 with the kids, 1 when the hubs finally got home. Now, I make the food, and it is on the stove. I don’t yell if someone eats in front of the TV because honestly? I want to eat in front of the TV too sometimes. My kids are the ones who initiate table meals when they want them, and we’re all pretty much happier.
We are 6pm dinner people but my kids are home from school at 2:30 so they have a “snack” (basically a 4th meal) when they get home that keeps them until our dinner time. It would be a totally different thing if my kids were getting home around 4:15 that would change the schedule.